im home

im home? did you even know i was gone? well i went to seattle for several days with my husband. it was really really nice. its not my first visit to seattle but this city is nice really. there are some odd birds hanging around the downtown area though that will make you clutch anything that youre holding closer to you. alot of ppl talking to the sidewalk and the tree.


we rode the city bus a good bit too. the transportation system is decent there but i was beginning to wonder if there was a lack of soap and deodorant in seattle. i loathe body odor. but this was PAST body odor. this odor made you want to fight someone it was so bad at times.


went to the space needle which is fabulous to see.







we hung out in chinatown a good bit eating really delicious chinese food!!!!

of course there is a starbucks on every corner and even in the middle of the block but the best for me? the ORIGINAL starbucks across from the market place. just a wonderful piece of americana!!




and of course pikes public market! there are loads of shops there with anything you can imagine. the fruits are sensational and delicious and theres always someone offering you a sample so you dont ever have to actually buy the fruit. you get full from the samples!!!!

anyone that has been to pikes knows about the fish throwing though!! this goes on day!!! huge fish being tossed to other employees PLUS the customers. i hate fish and the way they smell so i stayed in the background!!

i think i missed this convention though. loool.

we really had a nice time. weather was a little cool and overcast but all in all it was great. we're actually thinking of living there. i have to think more than twice about that winter weather though. im not a snow person!!!

wee hours of the morning

sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night. i usually get up because there is nothing better than being in the house and no one is awake. its peaceful. you can reflect on so much without any interruptions.

solitude.

except for the cat swirling around at my feet. she doesnt believe in solitude. she believes in eating and being hugged and petted lol.

so

solitude plus meowing.

its final...i guess

my mom is in the nursing home now. she chose to go so that she could stay in her hometown. i felt sad thinking of her getting into a strange bed each night and waking up to noise and yelling and nurses and assitants and housekeeping and maintenance. but it was her decision. my sister said she is being a little beligerent there. defiant. i guess she is a little afraid and feels that she has lost her independence.

but thats it. her recliner is still here by the window. my mother owned a flower shop, so every 3 or 4 days i bought fresh flowers to put in the window beside her blue recliner. i still do that. right now, there are red carnations and yellow daisies in that vase. her chair sits empty with her little blanket folded neatly over the back. her tiny 4 cup coffee maker with her favorite brown mug is still sitting beside my stove. not touched since she left.

i can still see her sitting there.

this thing drives me nuts

i absolutely HATE HATE HATE those stupid codes that you have to put into nearly every website now before you can go on to prove youre not spamming!!!!!!!!!

those stupid things like xyzb177ap. then they jam it all together and have lines and marks through it so that old ppl like me cant even tell what in the hell it is!!

rant complete.

something different

ive just returned from another of my mini vacations. ive never done this before in my life. ive always, when i had the opportunity, prepared for some big expensive vacation. but this summer just to give myself something different to do when im not working, ive been taking small 1 or 2 day trips. i went back to atlanta yesterday with my family. well some of them. we went back to the same hotel that we stayed in about 3 weeks ago with the nice pool. but this time we stopped at a store and stocked up on beach balls, floats, water battle paddles, etc. its total relaxation....no housework, no cooking, no phone calls. nothing. i love it. we swam until the massive black cloud floated over us and the thunder rolled in. nothing to put a halt to swimming like lovely stripes of lightening approaching!!

my son had flown across country a week ago and i had to go back to the airport during the night (2am) and gather him!!! we didnt get back to sleep til 5am and then back up to checkout at 11am. so that part wasnt too relaxing.

anyway, back to work tomorrow. i still dont like my job. but it pays for mini vacations and keeps our lights on in the house lol.

i cant see the back of my eyelids!

because my eyes are OPEN!!! its after 2am and ive had one hour of sleep. restless sleep at that. so lets dont even count it....ok its after 2am and ive NOT slept. i rolled, tossed, stared at the ceiling, the clock, out of the window, rearranged my pillows , ohhhh 10 to 15 times, kicked the blanket off, pulled it back, picked up my cell phone and played bubble breaker.

then

i got up and did what? of course!! my little friend was alive and kicking. my computer. i automatically sat in front of it and logged into a couple of my favorite websites. got up, fixed myself some coffee (yes wahaj you were telling the truth) and started to read anything on the computer.

now my eyes feel like someone has superglued a couple of teaspoons of rock salt into them. my head is starting to fall to one side yet im still here. typing something in my blog.

why is sleep forsaking me these days? boy i wish i was one of the lucky people that get in bed, their head hits the pillow and thats it.....all she wrote. i used to be. but not now.

does the fact that my head is pouding unmercifully right now mean i should get up from this desk and return to bed?

ok, after i read just one moreee thing....

you know whats funny?

i say i have no one to talk to but im looking at the number of times that my blog is viewed daily and there are quite a few hits. and who is interested in looking at such a boring blog???? i have to laugh at myself really.

i hope i dont come across as a whiner, inshallah. thats not how im sounding in my own head but who knows what the reader is thinking lol.

but with all of these ppl clicking on this blog, you would think i would admit that i have SOMEONE to talk to!!!

im at such a huge crossroads in my life. no, i dont want to go into it. but i have life changing decisions to make. and with the help of God, hopefully ill make good ones.

anybody want to adopt a 40+ year old lady?

honest to God

honest to God, i have no one to talk to at all. no, it wont be here, it wont be in any forum. i feel as low as low can get and i realized that i reallly honest to God have not one single person that i could open up to.

how sad.


i wish i did have someone. but there is no one person i want to talk to. there was one. but they are no longer around.