Friday, March 28, 2008


well alrighty. for those of you who havent caught on, my husband and i are muslims. muslims are not allowed to gamble and bingo is considered gambling to many. so where is my husband tonight? at the bingo hall..............with my mother!!

no he is not personally playing but my mother is a lifelong bingoholic!!! and for those of you who have been reading my blog, you know my mother is older and gotten very forgetful so she cant go alone now. so he went to sit beside her so that she can get out of the house and do something that is familiar to her.

i just called his cell phone and he told me that she had won 16 dollars lol. he is sitting patiently..i guess. could be impatiently lol.

why didnt i go? i used to when i was teen but couldnt stomach it now. sitting in the bingo hall with the huge variety of ppl smoking, drinking and yelling out "bingo bango bongo i dont wanna leave the congo".

Monday, March 24, 2008

surrounded by ignorance

i am the only muslim working on my nursing unit. im ok with that!! but i found myself in a different situation about a week ago. i was eating lunch with my co workers and they started a campaign against muslims. it really started out as the same old tired rhetoric about barrack obama being a "closet" muslim. i added that obama couldnt be a muslim and attend church for TWENTY YEARS!!! the reply to that? well he knew he wanted to be president one day. TWENTY YEARS AGO??? wow thats some planning in advance.

anyway, i let them talk and enjoy their silly conversation until a young fellow starting spouting off about muslims in general and how they want to take over and and and and.........we've heard that story before.

i felt my face start to burn and im so sure it was super red. i calmly told him that i am a muslim and the things that he was saying were not true at all. he said that we want to put our faith before state. and i said anyone should put their faith before anything! God first.

he said well yeah thats true but muslims want to impose shariaa and violence and blah blah, terrorism, jihad, etc etc blah blah........i said youve been working with me for some time you think i am a terrorist? do you think i sit at home at night and plan on taking all of you out? i told him that dr's saleem and ahmed were at the desk right before i left the floor. go and ask them if they are plotting terrorism against the non muslim patients that they are taking care of now and trying to keep alive.

more of the nurses said, but dr saleem is from pakistan! did i laugh in their face? i wanted to but i said pakistan IS a muslim country and dr saleem IS muslim.

where exactly does one have to be from to be a muslim i wondered.

the conversation went on and on and on. i found myself surrounded by a group of ppl who felt that it was ok to discuss islam like they were talking about something disgusting and stinking. i can remember times when someone, perhaps, wanted to discuss....lets say... 7th day adventists, well they wouldnt dare say anything bad about it if there were an adventist in their presence. but muslims? wow, we are definately the shaitans on earth according to many.

i ended my part with we worship the same and only God. and when you speak against "my" are also condemning your own God.

later in the day, a couple of nurses offered an apology of sorts. one in particular wanted to make sure that i wasnt offended. i was and i wasnt though.

this conversation, if you can call it that, has stuck in my mind over the days though. i dont really want to get stuck in the middle of a lot of yelling ppl like that again. but alhamdulillah i didnt wither and keep my mouth shut, afraid to let anyone know that im a muslim. but its hard to make yourself heard when youre the only speaking for and the other 10 are ranting against.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

we are fine!

all is good in our home alhamduliillah!! my mom is good i swear. she is eating well and taking her medicines on time, and all of my children and my husband run things like clockwork while im working. they take turns making sure she is ok and has what she needs!! my 17 year old "tough" boy even danced with her to her "old fashioned" music yesterday. i came home from work last night to find my 16 yr old daughter and my mother sitting at the kitchen table playing cards......FOR MONEY!!! loooooooooooooooool.

when i think of how my sister made her seem like a useless, helpless, raving lunatic i really get irritated and sick. she convinced all in the family (except for my sis june) that she could never make it except in the nursing home. i cant figure out what she would gain from it all.

except..................she received alot of recogintion and praise when she took care of her father in law when he was sick until his ultimate death. she went daily and took care of him. and he was really and truly sick!! (there was still no talk of nursing home placement with him though?).

then with my mother, whom she was never particularly close to, she was receiving the same praise for "taking care of" our mother. my mothers physical ailments are not severe. mild stroke 3 years ago, mild diabetes and hypertension. all well controlled with meds. as you know from prior posts, her biggest problem was "forgetfulness". not confusion. i doubt seriously that she would be diagnosed with alzheimers...just senile dementia.

all of us were calling her for updates on our mother. we were always thanking her for looking after her needs and i told her several times that i was sorry that i didnt live closer but that my mother could come anytime she wanted or when my sis needed a break.

over the past 6 months, my sister started going over daily to make sure she didnt have outdated food in the fridge and that her meds were filled. then my mom was left alone for the rest of the day.

this took its toll on my sister who never was a patient person anyway. well my mother wasnt prepared to be the invalid at all and didnt like my sister telling her how to take every single step. when my mother came to visit me in january for 2 weeks, my sister went into her home and threw away things that SHE thought my mother didnt need. needless to say, my mother was irate. she still talks about this even now.

the reason im saying all of this? did i tell you that my mother had a boyfriend? lol yes she did and does! they talk every morning like little love birds. they used to go everywhere together. and they miss each other so much i swear. he will be coming to see her soon inshallah. well, her bf lives in his own home and still drives. he took my mother wherever she needed to go. my sister (june) told me that grouchy sister pam is trying to find out the phone numbers of my mothers bf's children to call them and tell them that he can no longer take care of himself and do they need her help? ok, if this were 100% true i wouldnt even think twice about it, but he is capable of looking after his basic needs and driving still. the man still plays golf twice a week for gods sake!

apparently, my sister has some type of need to be NEEDED herself. she likes the praise that she receives from taking care of another person even though our own mother nearly drove her to the brink of insanity. kinda like munchausens by proxy.

here is a copy/paste of the idea of munchausens by proxy.

What Is Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome?
In MBPS, an individual - usually a mother - deliberately makes another person (most often his or her own preschool child) sick or convinces others that the person is sick. The parent or caregiver misleads others into thinking that the child has medical problems by lying and reporting fictitious episodes. He or she may exaggerate, fabricate, or induce symptoms. As a result, doctors usually order tests, try different types of medications, and may even hospitalize the child or perform surgery to determine the cause.
Typically, the perpetrator feels satisfied when he or she has the attention and sympathy of doctors, nurses, and others who come into contact with him or her and the child. Some experts believe that it isn't just the attention that's gained from the "illness" of the child that drives this behavior, but there is satisfaction gained by the perpetrator in being able to deceive individuals that they consider to be more important and powerful than themselves.

she kinda fits the bill.

when im not home my sister calls my mother and tells her that she needs to come home and go back to the nursing home, upsetting my mom. im trying not to get into anymore confrontations with my sister. but if she continues then ill have to put my foot down.

ok enough rambling for today.

again..........we are fine alhamdulillah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw this is my mommy !

Monday, March 17, 2008

she fell today

yes she did. she wants to be independent and i let her to a degree. if i see something too heavy i run ahead of her and fix things for her so that she wont see me then i let her think shes handled it all by herself.

today i took her with me to pick up my youngest daughter from school. we rode around a bit so that she could see some familiar places here in athens. when we got home she wanted to get up the steps in a hurry before i tried to help her i think. she only put her foot halfway on the bottom step and fell back on her butt, not hard. but then she fell back and hit the back of her head on the wall. i nearly fainted with fright. i was terrified that she had cut her head and i was already planning for a trip to the emergency room. but she didnt. my husband came down and scooped her up even though she was protesting. she had a goose egg on the back of her head. thats been more than an hour ago and shes ok alhamdulillah. ill just have to make sure im directly behind her on the stairs. shes so stubborn though.

i have let her fix her things the way she wants. i assist her with her meals. give her her meds. shes good though. my husband and i actually went to lunch today and left her with my 17 year old (although he was sleeping). we were gone for about an hour and i left my cell phone number with her.

its like having a new baby lol, just dont have to change any diapers yet!!! lool

Sunday, March 16, 2008

and life goes on

ok. my mother served "her time" in the nursing home and was released this past thursday. but not without alot of drama prior to her release date. the sister who lives near her declared that she had gone to a judge to become my mother's legal guardian and that she was going to leave my mother in the nursing home because she was better there. her health was better and she was happy. she said that she was going over my head and that there was nothing i could do about it.

sure! she has nurses taking care of her....but sister did you forget that im a nurse.....for 20 years now? and not only a nurse, but my mothers daughter too?? who loves her mother dearly and doesnt want her living in a place where she doesnt want to be and has strangers taking care of her?

oh boy, my sister............the devil was in her. she called me saint jana, that i thought i was so perfect and a nurse and a doctor and a psychiatrist and who knows what else. she nearly got high insulting me. she went on to say that she didnt want our mother living in her home and that she had had enough of her. i reminded her for the hundredth time that our mother didnt have to live with her, she could live with me.

i tried to keep my cool but i had had enough of this whole situation. i couldnt figure out for the life of me why my sister preferred her in a nursing home as opposed to being in the home of one of her children. i told her that just because she was the only one of us actually living in our hometown didnt give her the ultimate right to decide what was best for our mother. i had a few more choice words to say but i was talking to a person who was temporarily insane!

im the youngest of 7. out of the 7, only 2 of us would accept her into our home. my sister had convinced the other 5 that our mother was a lunatic, totally confused and could never be well outside of a facility.

also turns out that she was lying in a sense. when she said that she went to a judge she did. BUT the judge asked her isnt there anyone that wanted to take care of my mother in their home. my sister admitted to her that she had 2 sisters who wanted her. the judge told my sister that this is the preference! not a nursing home. if there is any family willing to care for her then so be it.

my mother has been in our hometown since she married. had never lived anywhere else even when my father died. so, somewhere in the middle of all the flying insults from my sister, turned out that my sister wanted her to stay in our hometown so that she could visit my mother because she loves her (she does) but she didnt want our mother to actually live in her home because she gets on her nerves.

understood. but this is what you want, sister, not what our mother wants. why on earth would you want her living there to suit your needs. another thing? my mother was living in the lockdown unit too. whiles she was there, i would call her every other day. i could hear the whoops and yells of the truly advanced alzheimers cases around her. the nurses said that if my mother stayed there permanently, then and only then would they do a psychological eval and let her live in the "regular" section of the nursing home.

anyway, i told my sis that im coming to get her! she said oh really?? really? well you better be here to get her on friday or else she'll be standing on the street alone waiting for a ride.

ok i will.

friday........2 days ago. the other sister and i both arrived in our hometown. the other sister and i had already talked several times by phone. the angry sister had already called this sister and convinced her that she had no clue how to take care of an elderly human being. but it didnt matter.

i packed what my mother needed. got her medicines. my doctor accepted my mother as a patient. my sister (the one that wants her also) rented a storage room. put the largest things there.

my mother was mad as hell. why are you packing my things? I AM NOT LEAVING MY HOME. i sat down with her and told her point blank. "you have 2 choices mother. go home with either me or june (sister), or you will have to go back to the nursing home. our other sister will give your apartment away". it was hard and i did cry because i didnt want her to go home with me and be angry with me because she thought i was taking her from her home. last thing my sister asked me was to bring her back if my mother wanted. she said that the nurses told her that she has 30 days to return without any glitches from medicare. my sister said that the nursing and therapy staff loved her. yes thats good, ill consider it. i asked my mother then if she wanted to go back and she said not on your life!!!!!!

the end result of all of this? she is here now. she is in her bed drinking coffee and watching game shows.

im nervous. i dont know how this will turn out. but i would rather her be here than go back to the nursing home. there may come a day that she has to go. but its not today.

Monday, March 3, 2008

pms and me....hand n hand!

oh yep. pms. dont you just love it?? let me tell you how rotten i am. if you read my last post about how wonderful my husband was on our anniversary, then you will really agree i suck! we had been home a mere 24 hours when it no no not pennywise. it is PMS. i felt like i hated my husband, i didnt want him to look at me, dont even think of getting that twinkle in your eye, i was nauseated yet craved salt, then sweets, then anything i could swallow lol, mood swings, dont even mention the irritability, had a headache constantly and just tired as hell. my poor husband just kept saying "plz tell me if i did something?" one night in the kitchen, i put the dishes that i was washing down and said, " you know this is not your fault that im this way dont you?" he just looked down. then what? i started to cry and asked him if he thinks im mentally ill.

HE DIED LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does he not know the rules? do not laugh at a crying pms'ing woman. thank god i wasnt murderous because i would have taken him out right then and there!!!

i just didnt even bother with him after that for about 2 days. the last day i seriously contemplated driving off into the sunset and not telling anyone where i was. off to look for a remote island where noone would even look in my direction.

but..i woke up the next morning and it had passed. i greeted my husband and family cheerfully. they all eyed me suspiciously. and i was like "what?"

why are we women afflicted with such horrible things. my husband swears i only have one good week per month. he said im mean 2 weeks prior to my period, then the week of the period and that only leaves the week after that im actually nice and amorous loool.
so? whats wrong with one week???