Friday, February 27, 2009

the "other" blog

im a muslim which is obvious to anyone that has read enough of my posts. i have quite a few thoughts swirling around in my head at times and i wanted to start another blog just to discuss some of those thoughts.'s the link.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

pixie suggested..........

that i do something very special for myself after this helluva year and i am!
i truly am.

i just cant really say.......but it involves a plane, crossing an ocean and someone special.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

a former anniversary......

wow! a year. when they say what a difference a year makes, its so true. if you read my blog one year ago, you'll see that i was on top of the world.... happy life. all was right with the world. so i thought. i was living normally. family intact. mother coming to live with me. financially secure. happy marriage.

today would have been my wedding anniversary. the day that represented how we struggled to get married in cairo. and trust me, to marry in cairo is a struggle and an event like no other.

today is a bit hard for me because i took my marriage seriously. i was happy. i was faithful and loyal. i never thought this day would pass and i would be divorced and alone. i thought i would always enjoy this day as i had in the past. what was it all for? just shattered dreams.

ill actually be glad when this day passes because its a bit painful for me. i miss the way my life was.



today my life is completely different than it was one year ago. im slowly rebuiding it and finding some happiness.

its amazing how what was makes you afraid of what will be.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

good morning!

what is it about sunday mornings? sunday mornings when no one in the house has to get up for any reason and youre the only one awake in the house. isnt it nice? peace. calm. tranquility.

ive piddled about. catching up on other's blog posts. cleaning here and there. washing a couple of loads of clothes. washing a handful of dishes. all at my leisure mind you. ive thrown the kitty her toy a few times and fed her. read the news online while listening to the news on the t.v. speaking of that, ive always told my children that they cant have possession of the computer and the t.v. at the same time..not fair to others. has to be one or the other. but thats what im doing this morning cause i can get away with it. everyone is sleeping!!

just me and the cat. oh, and my coffee. my coffee in my favorite white cup with the green handle of course!

no phone ringing. no one knocking at the door. no one asking me to take them completely wonderful.

speaking of said cat and coffee, the cat has developed a new habit. when she hears me go to the kitchen she runs to the counter where the coffeemaker sits. she watches me make coffee. she wants to smell the coffee in the canister then when the coffee is ready, she waits for me to pour it into my cup. then when i add the creamer, she watches as i stir it but she wants to smell it. she wants to smell the spoon with which i stirred the coffee and the fresh cup of coffee. she squints her eyes from the steam but she sits and inhales the aroma!!! poor kitty...poor coffee aroma addicted kitty.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

how does one disconnect?

its hard to explain but lately i had been feeling a loss that i couldnt quite put my finger on. little snippets of visions and emotions here and there were causing me to feel a bit saddened but i couldnt connect the dots and get the whole picture. finally it occurred to me, with the loss of my husband also came the loss of my connection to egypt.

ive always loved egypt even before i met him. anyone that has a connection there or has visited for vacation knows what im talking about. the smells, the people, the food, the traffic. nothing compares.

ive been to egypt many times and loved every visit. i had my favorite places to visit as everyone does, mostly the local markets not touristy places. i did love to take one of the boat rides at night as pictured above. i loved a tiny stinky restaurant called morgana behind tahreer square that only locals frequented and no decent foreignor would dare to enter (lol what does that say about me?). we always sayed in al zamalek in the same set of flats. loved it there. our doorman knew us well. the hijab shops...well lets just say the owners loved to see me coming. same with the perfumes and oil shops. egypt has an oily smell. i cant describe it but theres nothing like it. once in a while, here in the states, ill get a whiff of something that "smells like egypt" but its always so brief. so fleeting. i would sniff hard trying to find it again. i loved sitting in the center of tahreer square at night and watching the constant flow of people. the traffic. the lemon scented tissue and flower necklace peddlars. i loved grabbing freshly cooked taameya from a small cafe. sitting and having tea or buying the most fantastic koshari in khan el khallili not to mention trying to buy all i could there and play beat the price game. i loved hearing the adhan floating through every single street of cairo at prayer time. i loved the mosques there. i was always really happy there in egypt. the people are truly welcoming.

i have a large community of friends there. i have a lot of memories there. inshallah one day ill visit again. its very hard just to disconnect from a place that means so much.


im about to enter another world that i never in a million years would have ever thought i'd be a part of. and i mean never. actually TWO worlds. one not so different from my own but the other...hmmmmmm. and there are many women with blogs regarding their connection to this country and its not always good. so we shall see.

i guess you may wonder what thats supposed to mean but ill explain later inshallah.

anyway, just some thoughts. will miss egypt. yes i will but its time to move on to the next big thing!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

a wee bit of drama (confessions of a fanatic)

for those of you who know me, you know im a coffee drinker. bold coffee with cream. lets not sully it with sugar....just nice, moderately strong, creamy coffee. yummm.

for those of you who know me better, you may know that my ideal day is to go to a coffee shop, obviously drink coffee and read. i like to go to starbucks, seattles best or jittery joes and read but my real preference is a bookstore that has one of those coffee shops in it!!

talk about heaven on earth! (yeah im a bore lol)

for those of you who know me best, you may know that i have a collection of coffee cups and mugs from starbucks. ive bought most of them myself...3-4 were gifts but i treasure them all. im quite picky when im picking one out for myself and may go months without buying one til i see one that truly captures my attention. on top of that i have a rather large collection of generic cups that are specifically for the lower class of coffee drinkers (that would be my family lol)

these are a few of my favorites.

...the starbucks travel mugs are in my work bag in the car so theyre missing from the picture.
now! with that being said. i actually drink from ONE CUP. the lovely white cup with the green rubber handle. its perfect!! its not too heavy. the rubber around the cup is ideal for holding without burning your hand (i have a tendancy to hold the cup instead of the handle). the handle is small (i have small hands). its cute. i like my coffee piping hot, so best of all i can toss it in the microwave and again that little rubber part keeps the heat from burning my hand!

this is my wonderful cup......the one that was made just for me.

after that massive introduction, let me now discuss the "wee bit of drama" !!
over a week ago, i got up around 5 am to prepare for work and as usual i made a pot of coffee. i made enough to have a cup before i left the house and enough to fill a travel mug as my driving time to work is an hour. i drank my coffee, AS USUAL, from that white and green mug and put it on the kitchen counter and left for work. now mind you, that cup never leaves one of two spots. the kitchen or my computer desk.
i got home around 10 that night from work and was exhuasted. had to work next morning, so i went to bed. dragged myself out of bed the next morning late!! so i decided to just stop and buy a cup of java on the way to work.
wellllllll !! that night, i got home and decided boy i would like a cup of coffee. how absolutely delicious that would be after drinking crappy coffee at work. brewed the coffee. searched for the cup. hmmm. searched for the cup. hmmmmmmmmm again. one of two places - kitchen/computer. not there.
i thought "hey! perhaps one of my teenagers became brilliant during my work hours and actually washed dishes and put my cup away in the cupboard!!" i brisked through the cabinet. no cup.
dismay was setting in. i started questioning everyone in the home frantically. my cup??!! where is my cup? they ALL know which cup i drink from. they all shrugged and said they hadnt seen it. i called the cell phones of teens that werent at home at the time..."have you seen it? MY WHITE CUP WITH THE GREEN HANDLE???". sweat beads were forming on my brow, i was starting to hyperventilate at the thought of my CUP being MIA.
i went through the house. room to room. even bathrooms looking for THE cup. WTH?? where is it?? i looked accusingly at the kitchen door that leads outside...hmmmm did you let someone come through that door and take my cup that was sitting so invitingly on the counter??

then the thought came......GASP!!! someone BROKE my cup and they dont want to admit it. i stomped to the living room where they were watching tv...."OK!! confess. one of you broke it and you dont want to tell me right? just tell me. i wont get mad (fingers crossed behind back). just tell me now and i wont keep looking for it!! come on guys that cup was 10 bucks, just let me know!!". they all stared at me like i had lost my mind, watching my lip quivering. they all denied it. i grabbed at another straw..."ok you let someone borrow it right? remember when one of my other starbucks cups went astray? someone borrowed it remember?? (i didnt really care for that one...someone else picked it out)". to my horror, they started to laugh at me.
then came the horrible task at hand....deciding what cup i would drink from. i didnt want another. i wanted my white cup with the rubber green handle....sob!!! i chose the clear one.
i told elji of my dilemma and he was somewhat sympathetic. well, he just loves me thats why. he, like my kids, probably thought i was on the brink of insanity too!!!
i spent a week going to each starbucks around our city in hopes that they would have a stray one. you see, they have seasonal collections with themes and they dont usually hold on to the old ones. once in a blue moon, they have one of the older ones tucked away. but at every store it was the same conversation...."hey! im looking for that white cup with the rubber green handle. you wouldnt happen to have one in the back or anything..would ya?" (eye twitching, spit dribbling from the side of my lip, trying not to look like a junkie). the constant reply, "oh yeah, i know which one youre talking about...but no. we dont have it." i even looked online for it. i HAD to replace that damned cup.
elji told me to stop looking for it for now. begrudgingly i agreed to do just that. ok ok. one day ill come across that cup in a store and ill get it...hopefully.
yesterday, it was super cold in the house and i could feel a draft from somewhere. i checked the windows and narrowed the hunt to a window behind my couch. it has a tall back so i got on my knees on the couch and peered over the back to push the window shut (yeah im really short!). my teen daughter thinks she has squatters rights to this couch and i found a collection of soda pop cans on the window sill. i was collecting them when i realized that amidst this jumble of cans was...was....was MY CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG..i was elated. and pissed. elated and pissed, yeah! elated to find it was intact and here and i wouldnt have to search anymore or drink from another cup but pissed because my dear teen daughter had drank from it and thrown it carelessly behind the couch. but even more pissed because she was one of the ones saying "i havent seen it mom!". kylee, my 6 year old, was in the room and she was so happy for me. like i had won the lottery lool.
the total idiot that i am, i called everyone and said "I FOUND IT!!!" funny, they just didnt seem that excited. i told my dear daughter that i will never let her live this down. hmm, she didnt seem too concerned about that either.
so thats it. the wee bit of drama. i washed it and put it away til this morning when i lovingly filled it with hot, steamy, creamy coffee! its sitting beside me now at the computer desk.
ahhhhhhhhhhh such bliss!
p.s. have you decided im truly insane yet??? thats drinking my coffee now as i type from the lovely white cup with the green rubber handle!