Thursday, March 20, 2008

we are fine!

all is good in our home alhamduliillah!! my mom is good i swear. she is eating well and taking her medicines on time, and all of my children and my husband run things like clockwork while im working. they take turns making sure she is ok and has what she needs!! my 17 year old "tough" boy even danced with her to her "old fashioned" music yesterday. i came home from work last night to find my 16 yr old daughter and my mother sitting at the kitchen table playing cards......FOR MONEY!!! loooooooooooooooool.

when i think of how my sister made her seem like a useless, helpless, raving lunatic i really get irritated and sick. she convinced all in the family (except for my sis june) that she could never make it except in the nursing home. i cant figure out what she would gain from it all.

except..................she received alot of recogintion and praise when she took care of her father in law when he was sick until his ultimate death. she went daily and took care of him. and he was really and truly sick!! (there was still no talk of nursing home placement with him though?).

then with my mother, whom she was never particularly close to, she was receiving the same praise for "taking care of" our mother. my mothers physical ailments are not severe. mild stroke 3 years ago, mild diabetes and hypertension. all well controlled with meds. as you know from prior posts, her biggest problem was "forgetfulness". not confusion. i doubt seriously that she would be diagnosed with alzheimers...just senile dementia.

all of us were calling her for updates on our mother. we were always thanking her for looking after her needs and i told her several times that i was sorry that i didnt live closer but that my mother could come anytime she wanted or when my sis needed a break.

over the past 6 months, my sister started going over daily to make sure she didnt have outdated food in the fridge and that her meds were filled. then my mom was left alone for the rest of the day.

this took its toll on my sister who never was a patient person anyway. well my mother wasnt prepared to be the invalid at all and didnt like my sister telling her how to take every single step. when my mother came to visit me in january for 2 weeks, my sister went into her home and threw away things that SHE thought my mother didnt need. needless to say, my mother was irate. she still talks about this even now.

the reason im saying all of this? did i tell you that my mother had a boyfriend? lol yes she did and does! they talk every morning like little love birds. they used to go everywhere together. and they miss each other so much i swear. he will be coming to see her soon inshallah. well, her bf lives in his own home and still drives. he took my mother wherever she needed to go. my sister (june) told me that grouchy sister pam is trying to find out the phone numbers of my mothers bf's children to call them and tell them that he can no longer take care of himself and do they need her help? ok, if this were 100% true i wouldnt even think twice about it, but he is capable of looking after his basic needs and driving still. the man still plays golf twice a week for gods sake!

apparently, my sister has some type of need to be NEEDED herself. she likes the praise that she receives from taking care of another person even though our own mother nearly drove her to the brink of insanity. kinda like munchausens by proxy.

here is a copy/paste of the idea of munchausens by proxy.

What Is Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome?
In MBPS, an individual - usually a mother - deliberately makes another person (most often his or her own preschool child) sick or convinces others that the person is sick. The parent or caregiver misleads others into thinking that the child has medical problems by lying and reporting fictitious episodes. He or she may exaggerate, fabricate, or induce symptoms. As a result, doctors usually order tests, try different types of medications, and may even hospitalize the child or perform surgery to determine the cause.
Typically, the perpetrator feels satisfied when he or she has the attention and sympathy of doctors, nurses, and others who come into contact with him or her and the child. Some experts believe that it isn't just the attention that's gained from the "illness" of the child that drives this behavior, but there is satisfaction gained by the perpetrator in being able to deceive individuals that they consider to be more important and powerful than themselves.

she kinda fits the bill.

when im not home my sister calls my mother and tells her that she needs to come home and go back to the nursing home, upsetting my mom. im trying not to get into anymore confrontations with my sister. but if she continues then ill have to put my foot down.

ok enough rambling for today.

again..........we are fine alhamdulillah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw this is my mommy !

1 comment:

  1. Mashallah that is such a nice picture of your mommy.
    I'll call her grandma :D