Wednesday, January 9, 2008

going to get my mother

my mother. she will be 84 in may. she had me when she was nearly 40 years old. yeah im the youngest of 7.

saturday ill go to my hometown to pick her up.

my father died when i was 10. i remember him sure but its my mother that i remember for everything.

she worked hard to keep me going. my other brothers and sisters had moved on. alot older than me. had married and had real careers when i was a kid.

my mother sent me to college. she came to me no matter what. even when i was mean to her or was impatient with her. i was her youngest and i took her for granted sometimes because i was a spoiled crappy kid.

she never remarried. she worked until just a few years ago at her flower shop. i wish you could see some of the things she made. shes damned awesome. i used to get mad at her for making me work in her flower shop during the busy holidays. but she needed help and i didnt realize at the time that i was talented.

i took a job as a teenager and even fresh out of college, and i didnt contribute a penny to her. i let her keep working while i had fun, bought new clothes and drove her car.

i married an abusive man. had children. when i called she came.

i wished i never married. i wished, then, that i stayed home with my mother.

i regretted not taking care of her after i started working but by then it was too late. i was divorced. a single mother. and, even on a nurses salary, could barely keep our heads above water.

she was so healthy. never had any problems. until a few years ago. high blood pressure. a minor stroke, small tia's. diabetes.

now?

she cant remember what she told you 5 mins ago. she cant remember what day it is. no she doesnt have alzheimers. she is old and the stroke and tia's have affected her thinking. she is frail and thin. she is old.

but when she laughs, i can see my mother. its the same laugh that i heard all of my laugh.

a shadow of my mother will be here in a few days.

i love her so much. God help her.

5 comments:

  1. this makes me mis my mama, too. i think we all have those same regrets. i was pretty spoiled and insolent at times. i guess be glad you have the opportunity to be there for her now cuz it still does matter.

    peace

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  2. salaam

    it sounds like you have a wonderful mom...inshallah you will have a great visit together

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  3. she was and is. whatever time we have left, i swear i wont let her down.

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  4. what an idiot i am. a blathering idiot. i read my own blog and cry. not for myself but for my mother. well no, im lying. i cry for the loss of the mother i had all of my life. alhamdulillah she is still physically with me..for how long? Allahu alim

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