Sunday, January 13, 2008

shes here now

i drove about 9 hours today. 4.5 hours there and the same on the way back.

she is much more frail and weak than the last time i saw her. pale. house was messy. she has never been organized but it was really messy now.

she couldnt remember where her clothes were. wasnt sure what drawer her panties were in.

but we got her clothes, her meds and her packed and we drove home. she told me the same stories over and over again in the car, but its ok. i know she cant help it.

shes been to atlanta a million times, but was never sure exactly where we were. when we got home, she didnt remember having ever been to our home before (we moved a couple of years ago but she has been here). and could not make it up the stairs to our home without my son scooping her up.

when a parent loses his mental capabilities, its a loss much akin to death. the person you knew all of your life is gone forever.

Allah help me to help her. to be patient. forgive me for my inadequacies.


  1. Salaam sis

    it sounds really hard for you, knowing how your mom used to be and now she doesnt remember alot of things....seeing a parent like that is so hard....Allah gives us tests in so many ways, Inshallah you will have patience sis.....

  2. Assalaamu Aleykom Jana

    This is sounding all too familiar to me. As you know I have been living with and caring for my mother for the past 2.5 years and since her small stroke and a suspected tmi around the same time as my father's passing, my mother's memory has failed immensely and we repeat the same conversations daily. It seems the shorter term memory stuff goes first.. especially things that were not really cemented in the brain, such as the home you currently live in (as she was only there maybe a few times before).

    I wasn't able to tell if you are just taking your mother for a visit, or if you are bringing her to live with you fulltime? It is definitely sounding like she is in the need of some assistance.. either through assisted living (where a caregiver comes into her home for a few hours daily to help her with cleaning and meals, etc; through living with family fulltime whether it is in their home or in hers; or placement in a rest home. Is she taking her meds as she should? I don't know if you and your siblings have discussed what should be done and who will do it.. but it sounds like it is time.

    I know that this is especially hard for you sis, it is so difficult to watch them deteriorate before your very eyes and for you to deal with the fact that you will likely lose them long before you are really ready for that. My heart goes out to you. May Allah grant you patience, strength, and ease your heart and mind.

    Love you.