Wednesday, January 9, 2008

talking to the air

i havent been around. not to my own blog anyway. ive been reading about the lives of others. i have read blogs that have made my heart heavy. heavy because i understand them. well not completely but about 80%.
i have been reading blogs mainly about women involved in polygamous marriages. many of them not really choosing this life but forced into it by their dear husbands.

i have studied islam for several years and finally said shahada this past may. let me say that i fought islam for a long time. it made sense to me and at the same time it didnt. i couldnt let go of my christian ideals, even though i wasnt the most religious person in the world. some of the things in the Qu'ran just COULD NOT BE.

perhaps over the past year and a half, i began to think like a muslim without even realizing that i was thinking like a muslim lol.

then one day, i realized that i believed. but one of the things that i had a problem with is the 4 wives. polygamy. i understood why it was allowed, at the time! but i see no point in it this day and age. oh yeah there are some women who want it and i say more power to you. but a man taking another wive at the expense of the sanity of his first wife is unfathomable to me.

not to mention the children from the first marriage. how the hell do you go from full time dad to, "well son ill see you on YOUR day".

my husband used to tell me that i couldnt pick and choose what i want to accept in islam and i realize that. but i am not one that can handle another woman in my husbands life. that part, i told him, is MY right.

i had kinda settled down about the polygamy thing until i started reading the blogs. the suffering of some of these women dont even know what word is good enough.

but what i do know, this kind of situation is not good in the eyes of Allah. He did not mean for a man to break the hearts of his wives by taking other wives. that was not the intention. and we know intention means everything.

my husband always says he has no desire for another wife. but how many times has a man said this and went right on to pick another wife.

all i can say is, for the women who are happy and stable in a polygamous marriage...alhamdulillah. mabruk. im happy that youre happy and that you found a decent man who knew how to make it work.

to the ladies whose posts ive been reading. here is a collective heartfelt hats off to all of you. because i feel your suffering.

inshallah you will have the best rewards in jannah.


  1. Salaam...

    all I can say is that I completely agree with you, I could never be a co-wife and stay sane.....I give so much credit to all the sisters who live in this situation.....


  2. Hey Janna, it's Dolores from Cozy. I'm enjoying your blogs here.

    I agree with you, poly marriage is most unsavory, and in this day and age, is completely unnecessary anymore.

    My two cents, lol.

  3. well i was beginning to think i was the only one in the world thinking this. i usually get the Allah permitted it speech. yes i know He did, but He also granted me freewill. im free and i aint willing to be a cowife. i would be in prison for murder or at the very least, attempted murder lool!!

    ok im not that violent!!

  4. Hi! I found ur page today. I agree with u, I see no reason nowadays to a p. marriage. I wrote something about it few days ago. If you can, take a look. Stay in peace!

  5. i think this is one of the most controversial subjects amongst muslim men and women. i try to respect it due to it being halal but it just makes my nerves bad to think of being involved in it.

  6. hi jana, i actually said to one of my friends 8 years ago she was nuts for considering to become a second wife.. now I am 3rd.. LOL

    what i am trying to say is, there is wisdom in everything God sais, so in this as well.. and since its something which is of major impact to the whole society and upbringing, the wisdoms are very big as well...