Sunday, July 12, 2009

oh my gosh i took the wrong bus didnt i??

huge huge mistake i made!! and you know what happens when you take the wrong bus? you get on the next bus and the next bus trying to get back to the correct spot!!!!

the life bus.

i realized today that some years ago i got on the wrong bus because i wasnt looking and ive since been trying to find the right one to find my way.

i was awakened a couple of months ago by several people pointing out how old i am. well of course i know how old i am....i know my age...but it just hit me today how OLD i am. ive spent most of my adult life chasing others dreams, making others happy and not making myself happy.

i had my own dreams and i put them up on a shelf so high that ive not reached them since...must have thrown that step ladder away.

now? now all of these freaking years have passed and im no further into my own dreams than i was back in my wonderful days in the university when i was still naive and unjaded!
i always put others first and let them have their dreams......and now half my life has passed and im stuck with my feet in the quicksand.
but ill be damned if ill continue being stuck...who knows what i have left of life? well, Allahu alim..but on earth, who knows? i may have 10 years, 30 years or 5 minutes.
im content being a muslim, but ive never been content living in usa.....ive had a dream of living in my great grandparents land since i was a small child with every intention of doing just that. and inshallah i can still live that dream out.
i just get ill thinking of all the years that have passed while i was running blindly behind that bus. i could CRY for that person.. just cry for her..but i wont. ill pick her up and walk forward with her.
forget that stupid bus!!!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post habibty!

    I am so proud of you and rejoicing to hear you living out your dreams. Inshallah, my prayers are with you as you embark on making it to your Great Grandparents homeland.

    We can always say there isn't enough money, I have this obligation, and talk ourselves out of doing ANYTHING. I'm finding that it's more fun to talk myself INTO doing things now, and I know you feel the same....

    I loved the analogy of the step-ladder you threw away. You can always retrieve that ladder out of the garbage or by a new one you know! A more sturdy one! Love you SO very much Jana.