Wednesday, April 22, 2009

squirrels, wandering husbands and pakistan

i laughed at myself because of the range of topics that my little immature blog has been through over the past couple of years starting with simple innocent topics like feeding the squirrels and birds that visit my back yard. then of course the wonderful adventures of my dear ex husband.

and now pakistan. whoa. how does one get from squirrels to pakistan.

welcome to my life.

perhaps i sound amused, but to be honest im not at all. as you know, i was totally elated after my return from UK and im still happy with the trip itself. but life changes rapidly and drastically.

my stomach is twisting as i type.

want to know how things changed rapidly and drastically? as we speak he is boarding a plane for PAKISTAN of all places on earth. his mom is there and he is on the way to speak to her. to stop the arranged marriage and tell her about us. he will stay a week or two and then from there back to UK to tell his dad.

we dont really have anyone in our court except for Allah which is exactly who we need but it would help to have others supporting us a bit.

i dread the potential deadly fallout after the parents learn about me. i doubt it will be pretty. but i pray so hard to Allah to soften their hearts and open their minds a wee bit. to, at the very least, be open to an official meeting between all of us which would mean i would have to return to Uk and be under the microscope big time....i dont mind that part. it makes me a bit uneasy but thats about it.

what i do mind is pakistan. pakistan can be a frightening place and anything goes. anyone that knows anything about life there knows i have a right to be terrified out of my wits about what could take place there....not to mention its not a safe place at all.

elji has gained a tremendous amount of strength over the months and i have no doubt that he will stand his ground but im more afraid of the others standing their combined ground against him. i am really scared.

so in two weeks time...i arrived in UK on a friday, spent the most wonderful 5 days of my life with elji, met a couple of family members, left UK last wednesday, more of his family found out about me over the next couple of days, saturday he told me that he was going to PK with his brother to tell his mom about us, monday he went back to glasgow and today he is gone.

im so sad. so very sad. i feel like the best part of my life may be coming to a close. a dear friend (you, jane) said to remember that if it doesnt work out that i at least have met a rare and lovely soul. i would never forget him if we didnt make it and would forever long for him as he is my soulmate, of that im sure. never been so sure of anything in my life.

please im asking for prayers. i dont usually but we need all we can get. pray that i can be stronger and not afraid. that he will make it there and back safely. that he can stay strong and not cave under the pressure. and that Allah can soften the heart of his parents. and the fear im facing, well im facing alone. there is no one around me that would ever understand such a situation or even condone it. im not looking for sympathy at all but im shaking, afraid and alone. havent slept properly in more than a week and am exhausted.

i can only ask Allah for patience, perseverance, strength and that inshallah we can make it through this in one piece and together. me!!!

ya Allah.

"Allahumma rahmata arjoo fa la takilni ila nafsi tarfat ayn w’aslih li sha’ni kullahu la ilaha illa anta"(O Allah, for your mercy I hope, so do not leave in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye: rectify all my affairs. There is no God except You.)


  1. InshaAllah if his parents are good muslims they will know that islam forbids you from forcing anyone into marriage. InshaAllah they will remember their lord and love whomever makes their son happy. InshaAllah you will have the happiness you so deserve.

  2. thank you so much...i just need support right now. i need a friend that can understand the situation. its like a "movie" to others when i dare to mention it. i feel more alone than i ever have in my life.

    thank you so much sis.

  3. Ya Allah, somehow I missed the part about how he has an arranged marriage (surely his parents doing) in the works. His parents inshallah will understand that him being happy is the most important thing. My prayers are with you, please call me and email me too if you want dear one. I am always here, and I know this has to be a lonely and scary time.

    Trust in Allah for He knows best. If somehow it can't work out, you will know that Allah didn't wish for you to have the in-law problems. And if t does, mashallah, He knew that you would be okay.

    Inshallah, do not worry about him in Pakistan, this would be much different if he were female.

    I love you so dearly.

  4. yes his parents doing of course...the mention of the arranged marriage was in a post a few months ago. more than anything i do just need a friend that is supportive and understands. my own "real" friends would never understand such a situation and would tell me to immediately leave the situation as would my family.....ive had no one to even speak to about this and its just burning my insides with sadness. thank you both for being there for means the world..jazakallah khair.

    i am praying so hard for his parents to just try to understand and not reject it totally. inshallah.