Friday, April 17, 2009

how the heart can agonize.

well, i made my journey to the UK which was quite a journey in itself. my first flight from atlanta was delayed by more than an hour which in turn caused me to have 25 minutes to board my next flight in newark, nj for england. 25 minutes. ahhh i laugh now but that day, i didnt crack a smile. 25 minutes to find my gate, go through another security check and get to that gate only to find that airport personnel led me to the WRONG gate.
i missed my flight to england! and it was the last of the night.
but after negotiating with the airline and a few tears, they put me on the next flight to paris then to the UK. i got to england much later the next day but it beat sitting in that airport for 24 hours.
my trip was so absolutely wonderful. i cannot say enough about all of it. i dont have the words.
elji is something special on this earth. inshallah he will make it to heaven for all the good he has in him and for the way he cares for me. he is not a perfect man but he is like a missing piece of a puzzle for me. he is perfect for me. i watched the way he interacted with others around him. i dont think he realizes what a gentle nature he has as he fancies himself to be a wise cracking tough guy. yeah he is that too but at the end of the day..he is compassionate and humble. i saw a gracefulness in him when dealing with others that ive not seen before, even when he is dealing with strangers. his humanity is unmatched and im sure he learned this from his father.
as for me? i lost my worry lines in my face for a few days. i became alive again. more alive than ive been in years. i was happy but more important, i was content and peaceful...and i was safe and secure. he didnt go out of his way to make me feel this way. its just his nature- its so easy and natural being with him as if we've known each other for years.
but its not just him and me, ya know. there is family. the pakistani family with pakistani culture and expectations. those thick cultural walls are hard to penetrate.
i did meet a couple of family members and that went ok but still far from the finish line. but we have alot of obstacles in front of us. parents mainly.
we cant advance until we get past this obstacle and inshallah we can but it wont be easy at all and we have already had some tough times after the family started learning about me. on occasion, its been super hard but we're not giving up. i remember someone commenting here once that we should make it halal and get married and went on to remind us how to get married. lol, we are halal and want to make it even more halal but we have more people to think about than just us. ahh if only it were so easy.
i dont mind asking for prayers if any of you dont mind.


  1. I am so glad it went well, as you say a lot of bridges to cross yet but the first one has been safely negotiated. Hamduallah

  2. kayak i dont know where your comment went, i published it and it disappeared

  3. I am praying really hard for you. Inshallah in time his parents will come around. I'm glad that you are being so realistic, because it would be easy to jump in and marry him without their approval. And then you'd have the inevitable problems, and they could try to break you apart.

    I'm really happy you are going slow with it. It is clear to me that you have learned from previous mistakes with Muslim guys, and are trying to rectify that. Inshallah, Allah is pleased with you, for coming to this, and will in turn reward both of you.

    He sounds so sweet Jana. Hang onto him, he's absolutely a winner. Love you and always in my duas.

  4. lisa he is so very sweet. he is NOT too good to be true thank goodness!!! he is human and real. im just blessed to even know him. and its very important to him that his parents know and understand. we have come a long long way since the days that he kept me at arms length cause he was scheduled to marry another and he wouldnt dare to go against his parents.
    not that i want him to hurt his parents, i just care about him so much and he me.