so many things have changed.

im tired. my mind and body are exhausted. i pray all of the time for courage, patience and peace.

i dont know if ill ever see elji or even hear his voice again. inshallah.

but one thing i do know. its something ive known for most of my adult life. i dont belong to this world. there is nothing comfortable here for me. i dont mean i want to die. this is not a suicide post. no. i just dont feel a part of anything.

elji has probably been the sole person to make me feel more comfortable than anything or anyone in my life....and now i dont know whats going on with that.

Ya Allah, liberate me from fear. Give me the wisdom to think positively; give me the courage to stand by the truth; give me the openness to connect to those who avoid me; give me a smile, a clean heart and a winning attitude which conquers others; give me more of the world so I can spend in Your Path; give me the perspective that I need to remain satisfied with what You bless me with.
Ya Allah, forgive my sins and shortcomings and allow me to enter Jannah. Keep me on the Straight Path once You have guided me to it.