Tuesday, February 12, 2008

i stand accused

you know, ive been accused of a lot in my life. you dont like this, you dont like that, whats wrong with your brain. why do u keep ppl at arms length.

well yes some of what ppl say IS true. i dont like some things, i dont like some ppl, i DO keep some ppl at arms length......actually i keep some ppl at broomstick length!!

well i usually have my reasons. in general, i try to find the good in ppl. i often make the mistake of thinking that all ppl are decent and try to do the right thing. when i find out that they dont, i dont push them away. but when i see that they are dishonest, judgemental, unfaithful, lying....well thats when they get pushed away. thats perhaps when i dont like them.

it takes alot for me not to like a person. alot. and i can even take some abuse repeatedly as long as it is mild. make the excuses for the other person.

its because i know that we are not all the same, its because i know that we are not cut from the same cloth, its because i know that noone can think the same that i dont push ppl away quickly.

i appreciate ppls differences. i am different from you and you from me. but that doesnt make one better than the other.

ppl that irritate me the most are judgemental ppl. ones who look at you and see something different than what they have and decide that you arent quite up to par. no i dont mean material things. who cares about material things. i mean mentally, religiously, spiritually.

someone recently told me that they have to make excuses for me because i am not at the same point in religious faith that they are.

shes psychic i guess.

i dont think that any 2 ppl can be on the same level. because we are all different. we think differently. we see things differently. but that doesnt make one wrong and one right. and when a person thinks they can ever know what goes on in a persons heart or mind, then they actually drop themselves a notch. but thats for them to deal with. everyone has faults....everyone. but some ppl have a tendancy to forget their own and focus on others.

ppl that snap and get angry easily. well its not that i dont like them, its those that i usually put at arms length. become a little leary of ppl who snap out answers defensively.

so a person who is judgemental and snappy? that combination gets broomstick length. i dont care for fitnah. i dont like to argue and refuse to get my blood pressure elevated because of it. i pick and choose battles. somethings are not worth raising my voice over. sometimes there are things that are worth fighting for but the other person has become what??? judgemental and snappy so i just get quiet and say ok and go the other way.

doesnt mean i wont help them if they need it, of course i will. as a matter of fact, you will find me extending a hand to even the strangest of strangers. i am all for unity.

am i perfect? nahhh so majorly far from it. i have alot to work on in my own life. but if anyone feels pushed away? sorry. i dont mean to make anyone feel bad. but if i stepped away from you, i usually have a reason.


  1. I guess you are talking about me. Nice.

  2. Warning: Novel to follow...

    Jana, I totally understand where you are coming from as I, like you, always try to look for the good in someone and treat everyone with dignity and respect. That however, doesn't mean that I will sit there and allow myself to be walked all over.

    I personally can't handle people that are users.. the 'what's in it for me' type of person. They never seem to realize that relationships are give and take.. very much like a marriage.. where to keep the relationship healthy they both have to work on it. I push those people to broomstick length quickly.

    In my opinion, judgemental people are busy pointing the finger at others (with 3 fingers pointing back at themselves) in order to try to cover up their own inadequacies or fallacies (whether these are legitimate or just within their own mind). This is also often why they get so defensive if/when you try to approach them on the topic. Those people I keep at arms length.

    Short tempered people or those quick to jump to conclusion (especially if they start yelling) probably get the biggest kneejerk reaction from me internally.. however outwardly I tend to show little reaction to their actions as I'm too busy building walls around myself (my feelings, emotions, heart, whatever) in order to ward off the venom/daggers/spears being directed towards me. I could do without these people in my life but fortunately they tend not to be this way constantly so for the most part they are at arms length as well.

    To be honest, I seldom write off people period. Everyone seems to have some quality worth getting to know. (Well except for a serial killer or psychopath.. but fortunately we don't run into too manyof those in our lives.)

    Ok, so I'm not saying that to be a part of my 'inner circle of friends' so to speak, that a person has to think like me or be just like me or agree with me 80 -100% of the time either.. but they have to be able to accept constructive criticism when warranted and I expect to receive and accept the same from them. I also expect to be treated with dignity and respect and will afford them the same as well. Respect my boundaries and I'll respect theirs. We need to be kind to each other.. apologize to each other when appropriate and forgive each other. We can't wait for the other to take the first step.. or we may wait forever.

    Friends and aquaintances are not always going to be comfortable with each other in all situations/circumstances. There will be times when they need to have separations in their lives.. times for them to do their own thing by themselves or with others. We expand and grow at different rates. Some of us remaining more immature in some aspects that others. Wouldn't life be boring if we were carbon copies of each other. We must accept each others differences respectfully.. because our differences are what make each of us unique. And again.. we must be respectful of each others boundaries.

    These are things that I look for in a close friend. And they are things that I've found in you Jana. I am proud to call you my friend. Love ya.

    PS: a note for jamilah.. I don't know whether Jana is talking about you in this post or not. Maybe something happened that caused her grief enough that she needed to get it off her chest. This is her blog and she can do as she wants here. She didn't say any names to direct attention to you if this post was as a result of something between the two of you.. you are the one who did that. Get your head out of your burka girl and realize that this is life and sometimes it may seem unfair.. but often things are brought upon oneself for actions they've taken and choices they've made on their own.

  3. I don't know who you are dreamweaver. "get your head out of your burka' is a bit obnoxious for someone you don't know. Anyway. I know its about me, and thats ok. Jana needed to get it off her chest. When someone told me this was here I rushed to read it. It made me upset, and I wanted to reply in the like but I didn't. I also almost went to my blog and started to write an equal rant, but I didn't.

    I know there were some misunderstandings between Jana and I. I can admit that I was wrong to not let the initial problem go. I should have never responded when I was told that I didn't equal to her husband knowledge. But I got defensive. And that may have been wrong.

    At the end our our PM debate I said that I we needed to make peace because there was a hadith about giving your brothers and sisters in Islam 70 excuses... not that I need to make an excuse for her, but that I need to let things go when it comes to my sisters and brothers.

    The strange thing about all of this, is that when you call someone judgmental and snappy... you are being the exact same way.

    All of this because I wanted to advise my sister on a problem with her husband smoking. Judgmental and snappy started with the response I got to this advice.

    Now back to the burka comment. I don't wear a burka, I wear a niqab. And I won't 'get my head out of it', because its a requirement of my religion (as I see it) and I don't take it lightly or joke about it.

  4. my sympathies are with you jana. broomstick length sounds too short suddenly haha.