in the morning, i will meet my sister halfway. ill miss her alot. she is my mother after all. she is not hard to deal with at home, its just out in public that she gets out of hand. let me say that i wouldnt take her home just now but she is dying to get back to her home, her apartment, and i cant hold her here just yet. i cant help but wonder if i will suffer her fate when i get older. allahu alim.
i wonder, too, what will become of her in the coming days. her deterioration is quick. her own mother was relatively sane til her last day.
i looked at my mothers face and her hands and remembered her holding my children when they were babies. i tried to remember her face when she was still a working woman, having all of her faculties. i tried to remember how she looked when she would tell a story and laugh so hard but a good story not the same thing over and over as she does now. i thought even harder and tried to pull from my memory the face that i would see entering my school when she would bring cupcakes for my birthday. the face that stood over countless flower arrangements at her flower shop until she got it just right. the face that focused on her video games. she loved atari and nintendo. i still can see it although its faded.
her parents are dead, all of her sisters and brothers have passed except for one who is in his 90's now and was just put into a nursing home. i watched her in her room here as she listened to her old songs and gospel songs and saw the tears in her eyes. she told me that she is lonely and misses her mother. inshallah she will be with her again.
i was not always a good daughter but i hope that she will never hold this against me. i hope that she will have peace and comfort until her last day.
if this can happen, i wouldnt want another thing for myself.