death of a co worker

my manager at work had told me she would call me last tuesday to let me know something. she never did call and i didnt want to hound her so i just let it be. yesterday, friday, my husband and i were out running errands when my cell phone rang. it was my manager apologizing for not calling me earlier in the week.

well i had been off all week because my mother was visiting. my manager told me that one of the nurses that i work with had not been feeling well at work. her name....cindy. 47 years old. cute as a button. little blonde lady. most pleasant and always encouraging the insecure, frightened, new grad nurses. she went into cardiac arrest (at work), they coded her (cpr) got her to coronary care where she remained on life support for a day then died.

i was driving and nearly swerved off the road. my skin became clammy and my mouth dried out completely. my head pounded. i heard but didnt hear.

one of my coworkers you say? cindy?? you say she...is..DEAD? but i just saw her, just worked with her, she is MY AGE. how sad, sick and disbelieving i felt.

last time one of my coworkers died, i was actually her nurse...she was my patient. she was in her 30's, had a young teenaged daughter and her husband was a nurse too. she had crushed her foot, was diabetic and the surgeon had come in to debride (clean out surgically by clipping away dead tissue) her wound. a little while after this, she threw a blood clot, a dvt. there is just no saving a person when this happens. when we called code blue, her husband was just arriving to work on another floor but he knew her room number and knew it was her.

we worked long and frantically but we didnt save her. i cant write anymore without becoming emotional because its still fresh. even after 5 years. it was the hardest single thing ive experienced at work.

the death of a coworker. a nurse. another healthcare professional. savers of lives...dying.

im only happy that when cindy died, i was at home. i dont think i could have stood it.