my daughter is having a baby

my oldest daughter is having a baby this month. its her first and she is so up and down. the least little pain drives her into a tizzy which drives me into a tizzy because i want her to calm down and understand how things work...in other words im impatient with her. i keep tellilng her ive been through this 5 times plus im a nurse so PLEASE calm down. her friends tell her to run to the emergency room for the least little thing and im always sighing.

i dont get excited about medical things i guess, yep, even pregnancy. i think being a nurse for 25 years kind of makes you a little too calm with things!!

its not that i dont care. of course i do, but dear God, how is she ever going to handle the real thing when labor really starts? ill need to wear a swimming cap so that neither she nor i can pull out my hair! anyway, her little girl is due on march 26th, a day before my birthday!! her name is going to be Winter and her middle name is something like this....kiaria..i have no clue how to spell it but i do know how to say it.... it would be pronounced like this KEE AIR EE AY. so there!! wish us luck for the remainder of the pregnancy. im taking the two girls (my daughters) to atlanta for the weekend to give the pregnant daughter her last outing before having to tote a baby along.

the spaghetti made them do it!

i recently had all of the kids (minus my oldest who lives in N.C.) over for a spaghetti dinner. must have been too rich because they decided to break into a harlem shake!!

JUMP!!!

awesome song and video about new beginnings and taking risks!  love it

Life? yes life.

amazingly enough i am reopening this blog!!! its been closed for nearly 3 years! i nearly deleted it so many times and for a while i couldnt even visit this blog without feeling all sorts of ooky feelings 

i started a new blog on tumblr last night, but something nudged me in this direction today and im really happy that i did.

there is a lot of history in these pages.  yes its hard to read some of it, but i chalk it all up to life's lessons.

and have learned any lessons. oh yes yes yes. i am no longer the person i was these past few years and i thank God that i have grown in so many ways.

now....lets get on with it. lets live. lets move and shake. i want to live before i die. before its too late.

on to more important things..the new ipad!

have you guys been looking at this lovely piece of technology? anyone thinking of getting one?

to my fans from west midlands uk

ahhh, seems i have curious visitors from the lovely cities of walsall and bradford. theyve visited my blog here, my solo muslimah blog and even tried to visit my facebook page.

seems i have people wanting to know more about me!!

exciting isnt it, to have new readers.

the thing is, dear readers, they are not new!

on the contrary, they visited my blog last year too right before i was barraged with threats and hatred.

did i mention i have feedjit? a nice little traffic reporter so that i can see who visits,what date and how much time they spent here? even how they googled my site! and where they visited next?

the amazing thing is, ive nothing to hide. im quite a boring person to be honest. no drinking, no sex, no drugs, no partying. just a homebody who enjoys coffee! but you know, those very same readers could actually call me and ask me questions if they liked since i happen to be a human being just like them. least i was last time i checked.

but you see readers, the information gathered here will be used against me. it will be twisted and misconstrued as it was in the past. i will be accused of things that might shock many of the people who ACTUALLY know me.

read on.

just remember these things.

curiosity killed the cat

and

Allah Almighty says,(O ye who believe! If an evil person brings you tidings, verify it, lest ye smite some folk in ignorance and afterward repent of what ye did)(Al-Hujurat 49: 6).

the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon on him) said,'The most evil among Allah's servants are those who go about spreading gossip dividing those who love each other and desiring to defame those who are innocent.'(Reported by Ahmad)

division of secular life vs spiritual life

...ive gathered, now, that dividing secular life and spiritual life is rather hard to do.

i used to write most of my musings here but i seem to write more in the other place...when i do write.

there is not a whole lot going on in life in general these days and as ive thought more about it, its really my own fault.

i have a full time job in my home town which is much better for me than the traveling i was doing and being cancelled from my shifts, many times not even finding this out until i had driven an hour and entered the nurses station!!

the job is not the best but it pays the bills and i try to keep this in mind! alhamdulillah

i dont hear that much from my 7 year old's father...was daily. asking forgiveness and can he return. i mulled that idea over many times but knowing his history and qur'anic ruling regarding divorce, i nixed it.

i told him that i will remarry one day and he always became incensed, demanding i dont dare mention remarriage.....erm dude, we are divorced and you packed and left remember.

thats been nearly 2 years ago, by the way, that he packed and left.

i think that is one of the main reasons there is not much going on in my life..i buried all of that and was determined to get on with life.

i did bury it...get on with life? kinda.

i think it haunted me and it has started to nag at me as of late. wondering what all of the effort was for. trips back and forth to egypt. time of my life. immigration. homeland security. how many thousands of dollars for airfare. one child and a miscarriage later, i find myself alone.

was there wife number 2? yes? no? am not sure, but i feel certain i was a vicitim of hidden polygyny. Allahu alim.

and i think this thought is what has started to awaken me at nights....the oh so subtle signs that i should have paid more attention to. oh well, being a good old american southern girl who grew up in one husband/one wife families....i didnt know to look for those signs. how ignorant i was going into this marriage.

i know much better now.

my children are basically grown and the eldest has moved to another state but the others are at home.

my second oldest son has just entered local college in a dental hygiene program and wishes to be a dentist eventually, God willing!

3rd son cant quite decide though his main goal is the NBA. God willing on that too.

my oldest daughter has started taking necessary steps to become an XR tech!! God willing.

and then there's me and my 7 year old. she is an excellent student at school and a struggling student at the mosque 3 days a week. i admire her tenacity though. she pulls out my biggest Qur'an each night in bed that has transliteration and practives each surah she is learning at school... she tries so hard.

and me? struggling to stay afloat with these kids. hope to remarry and live semi happily ever after one day!

season's greetings!!

hope all of you out there have wonderful holidays no matter what youre celebrating!