Monday, June 8, 2009

i am not me

not anymore....somehow, somewhere in all of this tragedy, i woke up to find that ive changed drastically.

i dont feel humorous and light anymore. i dont know how to take on the world as i used to.

ive lost trust in others. even those with the best intentions.

ive become irritable and impatient.

and i feel like i dont care.


  1. Firstly I think you are being amazingly honest and open about all this. My pride would have stopped me from sharing an event like this. As you know 18 months ago I had an incredibly hurtful experience with a loved one and I still cannot talk about it in public with strangers. It is too raw. Your humility is inspiring and challenging.

    Secondly every loss goes through stages, numbness, grief, anger, resignation etc and I think you just have to accept you are going to have to serve time on this one. It is important to give yourself some fun, pampering whatever. And to laugh with your little one. This does not means the loss is any less hurtful but merely that life has to be lived.

    Thirdly I love you

  2. you know....after i read this, i put my head on my desk and sobbed. jane. i just love him so much and the story is so complex and difficult with elements that would just stun you...we just couldnt win no matter what.

    the saddest part is...he loves me too. i look for his face in every crowd. its hard enough to lose a relationship when the other person is shyte...but when you both love each other...well

    i just want to go home to somebody but there is no one to go home to.

    i love you too jane...youve always been one of my best supporters and have never left my side no matter what.

  3. Asalamu Alaikum Jana...

    I guess kidnapping is out of the question. We could go get him and bring him back.. I feel your hurt like its my own... big hugs