listening to recitation

...of the Qur'an gives me comfort more than anything. same time makes me feel an ache. reminds me of the prayers being read for me.

im trying to get my life on track. trying to forget. trying to forge on with my life.

it is NOT easy.

i cant believe how far ive fallen.

emotionally that is.

i still shake inside.

but on the outside im cool as a cucumber.

at least i can do that.

i know one day ill be ok inshallah.

but i wont likely forget.

i had no idea our memories would be only that so quickly..memories. i thought we would have a lifetime of memories. i still thank Allah for what i do have.

highlands especially...that was going to be where we were going for our honeymoon. scotland. the highlands.

you know, i really hope that his family didnt convince him that im a bad person. i think that would hurt me more than anything to be honest. even more than his deserting me. even more than finding out he is married......to find out that he believed i was a bad person and not worth having would kill. inshallah he didnt.

i received this in an email yesterday....must remind myself of it often.

“Be passionate about life and family, be forgiving to misdeeds, be understanding of circumstance, and be dignified in your judgments. Love yourself and your life; don't regret what you have done, don't wish for different things, just be happy in what you are and where the journey of life will take you."