alot has happened to me over the past few days. no i should say that alot of emotions have happened to me over the past few days. you know, online people are tremendously supportive. what did we do before we had the internet?
eid al fitr came and went without so much as a spark for me. somehow im just not going to let that happen again. i dont know what i have to do to NOT be alone next time, but i wont. now i know how christians feel when christmas comes and they have no one. ahhh the lonliness. it is painful. i was never alone for christmas. never. but muslim celebrations? hmm. i worked day 1 and day 2 of eid, but i oft wondered what other people were doing throughout the day. oh well.
my husband did send my daughter a large package of clothes as an eid gift. at least he thought of her, alhamdullilah.
Elji. he is leaving for pakistan tonight with his dad. though im not sad about it anymore, i am worried since safety in pakistan is rather precarious. he will be there for 2 long weeks but from what i understand he will not be in the large cities during his stay and this is where the violence is. he will not marry either. he made up his mind about that already. we will have a bit more time and even though i am relieved at that, i understand what that can mean. we will either grow closer and inshallah something good can come of it or inshallah he will still marry someone from pakistan and we will suffer tremendously. please people, no bad comments about elji. dont compare him to the guy you once knew that broke your heart. he and i are exceptionally honest. we both know where we stand in each others lives and we both know each others situations. we know what can and probably will happen. that bridge is still before us.
anyway, i am pretty good actually. relaxed for the most part. im still alive alhamdullilah.
thats so nice sis. and masha'allah u always say 'alhamdulillah' no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI am thankful that your husband still has some desire to have a positive impact on his little girl's life. Good for him.
ReplyDeleteHoney, I'm new to your blog and my heart aches for you. I just wanted to let you know that no matter what the imams have said to you, you are allowed in Islam to seek a khula.
ReplyDeleteLink:http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=185&CATE=11
"If the husband refuses to give consent and unduly oppresses her and refuses to agree on Khula, then in such a case a wife can refer to a committee of Ulama to effect an annulment, which can effect a divorce after thorough investigation in the matter."
Imams who tell you to go back and "work it out" are uneducated in the laws of Islam. I would advise you to seek a Sheikh/Scholar and seek his advise. The truth is that once a husband has removed himself from his wife for a certain period of time (I think its three months but I'm not sure) the wife has the right to annul their marriage based on his actions. Especially if he does not take care of you (i.e. send you money for monthly expenses). His actions lead to sins like zinna and that is why women receive the right to annul the marriage in these cases.
It is not right in Islam and you have RIGHTS! I promise! You do have rights!
Let me know if you need help finding a Sheikh in your area.
As for Elji, I certainly don't think bad of him, I know how tough Desi parents can be on their children, but I know plenty of white women married to desi men and it works out well. I hope he faces his parents and follows his heart and marries you inshAllah.
Once you've gotten that khula that you deserve.
God be with you. Allah maaki.
molly thank you and welcome to my blog. most of it is disjointed ramblings lol. stay while you can bear it! im saying thank you for your advice and for understanding the situation with elji. it has not been an easy road and not without alot of emotion attached. while he is away, my head and heart are running the gamut of emotion! only Allah knows how this will all play out.
ReplyDeletethank you again for all of your advice. you know, our former imam was so wonderfully fair but he left to go to washington d.c. he knows of past situations with my husband and he has counceled us before. the new imam doesnt know anything about me so he is not willing to just grant khula. i am thinking of contacting my old imam and see what to do. he was here for eid prayer but i was working and i felt so horrible distress. my mind was preoccupied the entire day at work because i wanted to be at the masjid with the other muslims and because i knew imam hisham was there. i felt such a loss that i still choke up a bit today!!!
god what a rant.
Asalamalaykom Sr. J.,
ReplyDeleteI do think that I am understanding of your situation with Elji. There is a difference though with understanding and condoning. It isn't ideal, right? It isn't actually clean and clear and you know it.
So...get cleaner and clearer while he's gone. Use your time away from the intoxication of like-minded souls to better your position. Go to Allah and ask for removal of your burdens. Admit that you aren't living the life you feel good about and ask for better.
Who knows? If both you and Elji make strides towards bettering yourselves as servants of Allah, you might just end up together. If you don't find the, "Happily ever after," you still will have improved lives, inshahallah.