i havent written about my mother for a while because i was really too irritated to write about her. she was completely unhappy here. her only thought throughout the day was "escape". i have to escape. how can i escape. who can i call to help me escape. she was worse on the days that i had to work...she would call eveyone she ever knew in her life plus my siblings telling them that she was a prisoner here. she had nothing to do, i wouldnt allow her to go outside alone (we have a flight of stairs that she would have to take alone).
i did everything i could to keep her safe here. her legs are unsteady so i always made sure someone was with her on the stairs. the very first week that she was here she fell on the FIRST step and hit her head. i was also afraid that if she went outside alone that she wouldnt remember which home was ours since the homes are all very similar and the address is not something that stays in her memory for very long.
i offered activities for her. seniors center. church. she didnt want to go to any of these places. she did want to go shopping usually. "to town". so i took her when she wanted to go. but i couldnt take her out in public places too often because she would wander around telling jokes to strangers and some of the ppl would laugh and some ppl would look at her like they were going to slug her.
but in the end, she wanted to go home. her home. not my home. and i understood this and was sorry for her for this.
but then she became mean. she began gossping about my family to others on the phone (i am an unbelievably private person-probably extremely so), she started speaking badly about my children to my oldest daughter (who is 16). the 16 year old would lament to me that she didnt like what her grandmother was saying about me and the other kids. i just got a kitty for my 5 year old and my mother fussed at her constantly about holding the cat. "leave the cat alone, leave the cat alone, leave the cat alone". that was a song i heard about 50 times a day. then one day my youngest daughter picked up her cat, which was sleeping. she wanted to let the kitty sleep beside her on the couch. but my mother slapped her arm and told her to leave the cat alone. well that was a bit much for me. i had begun to wish i hadnt gotten the cat. and i asked her to not hit my daughter especially over the cat.
then the toys, kylee would try to take her toys out to play and my mother would pick them up and tell her they were going in the trash while my daughter was playing with them. poor kylee, she had never known anything but a loving grandmother and was now completely puzzled and wanted her to leave.
she became angry with me constantly. very sarcastic, told me i was threatening her but when i asked what i had threatened, my mom couldnt think of anything. one day, she was really being hateful and i was at my limit and i asked her what i had done to her and she confessed that i had done nothing. she said she would go home to live but i told her she couldnt. she became increasingly angry towards me. and when i raised my voice she picked up a cup of hot coffee and aimed it toward my face. the very thought of her doing this was sobering enough.....she didnt actually have to splash it on me.
this week, my oldest brother called for her and i sent her willingly and happily.
im not sure what i will do now. she is not happy here, i am not happy with her being so mean, the kids find her new anger frightening.
i tried really hard to take care of her and keep her happy but she wont be happy anywhere except her home which is not happening.
so im at a loss. i feel sad and guilty that i dont want her to come back here. i talked this over with my sister who agreed that my children shouldnt have to suffer through this.
dont know..just dont know.