Tuesday, June 3, 2008

can you say hormones?

OK! who sneaked into my blog and posted that "tired" thingy? because im NOT tired, im vibrant and energetic. i have vitality and refreshed thoughts.......so WHO WAS IT?

oh, perhaps that was me when i was feeling like this

but that was then, this is now! it was about to be the time of the month and i forgot. forgot what you say? that IT was coming, that IT would start any day and that the swirl of weird, terrific, morbid, frightening, depressing was because of IT.
PMS is a time of irritability and quick flashes of anger (ive already written about that...wont go there now) but the high levels of hormones a couple of days before IT shows up causes feelings in me that are soooooo very real. i am positive that i am at the end of my rope and standing on the edge of a perilously high cliff overlooking jagged rocks below with lifes problems readying themselves to give me the final shove to send me over.
sound dramatic?
it is! im older now and having entered the perimenopausal stage the worse the hormones get. when i was a young jitterbug i dont even remember having all of the problems that go hand in hand with the menstrual cycle.....but now. whew.
oh yeah, still have problems in life but im back to dealing with them as i usually would.
but what worries me is , even though i can recognize my drama for what it is after it passes, that with each passing cycle my symptoms will worsen. and at that time the drama is very real and i cant even recognize it as temporary lasting maybe a day or 2 til the period actually starts. things seem so bad at that time that i feel i cant go on. i cant help but wonder what will happen if the symptoms worsen.
anyway i left that "tired" post...even though it was written by my alter ego as a reminder to myself of what happens to me before my period starts.
so maybe next time i wont be tempted to throw myself over the balcony.

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