Saturday, February 9, 2008

drivers license revoked

no no not mine, my mothers. after my mother went home, i told my sister that she absolutely couldnt drive anymore. so my sister took the keys to her truck. my mother was LIVID. she has cursed my sister, thrown tantrums like a child. i talked to my mother on the phone and said its best that she not drive anymore. its just not safe. she's so angry though. and i can understand. i really do understand. i try to imagine how i would feel if someone started taking my independence away from me. i have the good fortune to have studied geriatrics and have worked on and off as a geriatric nurse so i understand well how shes thinking and what behaviour to expect. my sister on the other hand does not. she argues with her like they are both children. my sister is the only one there to take care of her. so she goes daily to make sure her meds are correct and that she has everything that she needs. my sister cried the other day because my mothers angry words are cutting her to the quick. i tried my best to comfort her but had to remind her too, that our mother is old and we cant treat her badly. just let her say what she has to say and go on with it. i feel bad that my sister is the only one dealing with it daily.

well, my mother went out a few months ago and bought a 400 dollar three wheel bicycle to ride around the neighborhood. about a week ago, my sister got a call. my mother, in her most stubborn determination, got on that bicycle and rode to the locksmiths office to get them to make a key for her truck. she had planned to make her great escape! she confessed that she was going to pack that truck to the rim and come either to my home or my oldest brothers home in tennessee. GOddddddddddddddddd! she was totally exhaused to the point of collapse. that was the phone call my sister got. my exhausted mother was stranded at that office on that damned bicycle and couldnt get home. so my poor sister, who lives more than 10 miles from my mother, came to rescue her. and she took the bicycle to her house. so now my mother is TWICE as mad at her and really verbally abusive. i told my mother today to stop being mean to my sister. that she had to remember all the good things that my sister does for her. i told her that shes really hurting her feelings. i told my mother too that i know how she feels. that shes losing her independence and her life and i know its hard. i told her that my sister is there for all of us, to help our mother.

the drivers license. well my sister called my mothers doctor and he wrote the state to have them revoke the license due to dementia. my mother? she got the letter yesterday. your license is permanently revoked and you are no longer permitted to operate a vehicle on any road due to DEMENTIA. my poor poor mother. how does getting a shitty letter like THAT make you feel?? her mind is slipping badly but she still comprehends everything. she still processes. i felt so so so sad for her. that beautiful lady who worked so hard to maintain our life after my father died. my mom, who spent her life making beautiful flower arrangements, who won medals and ribbons in the senior olympics, won flower arrangement competitions year after year after year. when her friends were sick? she was the FIRST one at their door. she never let anyone down.

oh my heart is aching and breaking and twisting. and everytime i write about her i cry dammit.

1 comment:

  1. From my own experience I know that watching your mother going through the deterioration of dementia is a difficult and painful process. I cry often as well.

    I wish I had a secret that I could share with you to help ease your heartache.. but I don't. We can only deal with the situation on a day to day basis and do our best for them.

    Often with dementia it is the short term memories that get lost first. Try to keep the good memories alive by talking about them with your mom. When you speak with her on the phone and maybe relate something about your day or your children.. ask her questions about her youth or common experiences with you and your siblings. I'm sure she has many an interesting story still to tell. Some you may never have heard about before.

    No, it won't stop the heartache that you feel for her.. but it may help to make it more tolerable for you both when good memories are shared rather than dwelling on the negatives that comes with dementia.

    Love you lots Jana.
    Big Hugs.