im living half of a life

i miss having a husband. im still married but im not at the same time. legally im married to my husband of ten years but i havent lived with him since 2008. one day, ill divorce him...it is costly.

in the meantime, ive grown older and lonely.  i watch other couples having a great time and wish i could rejoin the ranks. i feel like im out of the club..on the outside looking in.

i try not to let it bother me but it does. especially around any holiday time when family's are preparing for the big days. or when i wish i had someone with which to share a cup of coffee.

sometimes, i just wish that my husband had left me alone, had not pursued me but thats not how it happened and i got married to the wrong person.  when we were together, i didnt know that he was the wrong person. amazingly enough, up until the time he left, i thought we had a good marriage.

goes to show you....you never really know a person do you?

anyway, thats where i am. wishing i had a partner, yet still tied to another and the world keeps spinning.

im 51, i shouldnt be having to think of looking for someone...i should be looking to settle down for the gray years.