what is that nagging me?

oh yeah....that picture i found of my husband with another woman draped possessively around him. darned near forgot it.

lets go back a few hours shall we to last night.

i was bored...and i do mean bored. i did something i havent done in years!!! i went to yahoo chat. i went to one of the islam rooms, but as soon as i got there i remembered how dreadful it is. i opened more windows and started doing other things but soon got a ding! that i had gotten email. i went to see what it was. spam.

but something started nagging me. out of the blue, an email account that my husband and i opened together sprang to mind. my husband had told me about 3 months ago to go and look at that email for some insurance information that was in there but i never did.

but something kept telling me to sign in to that account....so i did.

at first glance it looked okay.

i clicked on the "sent" box and what to my wondering eyes did appear? no not the miniature sleigh or the eight tiny reindeer.

there were pictures...pictures of my husband that he had emailed home. innocent pictures but i started to shake. that nagging sensation turned into a feeling of dread as i clicked on each one.

finally they opened.. a few pictures of him and an asian hijabi chick. arms loaded with gold bangles and rings.

you know that moment when you discover something that you suspected all along slaps you in the face....ohhh im sorry, did i say slaps in the face? i meant SLUGS you in the gut. the two minutes i was frozen felt like a month.

there it was...in all of its glory. my husband whom i really did adore at one time posing with the "other woman"....more than likely a second wife.

but hey!! lets flip that coin. i could be the second wife. who the hell knows?

ohh how this lady had tortured and harrassed me throughout the past few years. sending emails to me, writing fake emails from my husband, hacking into our accounts, trying to hack into our cell phone account.

you know i called my husbands cell phone immediately....no answer. no answer. no answer. no answer.

so in the meanwhile, i changed the passwords and personal information so that he couldnt change it back and forwarded the pics of the lovely couple to my main account....just in case you know.

this will provide as lovely evidence in my request for khula amongst a few other tidbits i have. the part that disturbs me the most is that he was sending them to my sister in law whom i love dearly who claimed to know nothing of this whole affair. such disappointment. she still may be innocent in all of this though.

he did call this morning. i very calmly told him that he can tell the lovely woman that she can reimburse me for the visa/immigration fees or else he can be deported and they can start from scratch...and if all else fails? she can go to egypt with him.

im freaking struggling financially and she's dripping in gold?

dude thats awesome.


then to make matters worse, Elji (whom i would ordinarily have turned to at this moment) is away and i havent a way to reach him nor have i heard from him....eid with the folks you know.

then lets top all of that with a big dollop of "blast from the past" AGAIN. the one that made me nearly have nervous breakdown in october. ohhh yeah. nice little msg awaiting me from him. but you know what? i just talked. i needed someone to talk to so i talked to him. and it actually chilled me alot.

oh yes indeed...eid mubarak!!! alhamdulillah. and i mean that.

cause you know what? ive decided that i have sacrificed my sanity for others way too much. for others to feel comfortable. im about to wash my hands of anyone that gives me bad vibes. if it doesnt feel good? out you go. i know its Eid al Adha....festival of sacrifice, but im not giving myself away anymore.

salam