good morning and im back

thought of the day.....freedom.

though i didnt leave the internet entirely, i didnt do anything online that took much thought! piddled here and there.

so after a week of vegging and thinking, i feel a bit free really.

on my days away from work, we got into the car and went wherever we wanted. mini vacations. one day we got in the car and simply went out of town to a hotel with a pool and swam and relaxed. a major park one day. and believe me thats NOT relaxing at all.

my mother. she is still in her hometown. still with her friend. but who is in charge of her care now? the same sister that was fighting against me the whole way. since my mother went back, she has developed a UTI (bladder infection) and now the shingles, which is the adult version of chicken pox and a much worse thing. it can cause nerve damage and leave the person with years of agonizing pain. my mother had a hip replacement some years ago and the shingles has settled in along the nerve route beside that hip causing her grief already. i can barely stand to think of it now.

my mother said she wants to return to the nursing home since this is the only way that she can actually live in her hometown. and ive relented. thats where she will go. i tried. but she was NOT happy here with me as her captor. and i dont want her to be so unhappy. it was changing her. and it was changing me.

you see, my mother and i havent had any cruel exchange of words in years. since i was a know it all in college. so to reach the end of her road this way was not good for either of us. i dont want her to live the rest of her life unhappy and i dont want to be filled with resentment toward her either.

anyway, im here.