Sunday, February 17, 2008

im afraid

.........that she will put her in a nursing home without me knowing it.

what would i do.

you know why my sister said she wasnt doing well????? because my mother is diabetic and ate 3 sugary doughnuts that a visitor brought to her home.

because they were playing a card game and suddenly my mother couldnt remember how to play.

because my mothers visitor took her to play bingo and on the way home, my mother couldnt remember where they were or where they were going.

dementia. i think that all goes along with it.

have you ever?

have you ever entered a nursing home and seen the residents sitting by their windows waiting for anyone to visit?

have you ever entered a nursing home and seen the residents sitting in a wheelchair with their face perpetually down because noone sees them, noone looks at them, they are not real anymore?

i have and more.

mother, mother! mother! can i sit by you again and laugh like we used to? can you hold my children and cook for them? mother?


  1. My dear, I've been following your blog and my heart aches for you.

    My grandmother passed away about three years ago (she had alzheimer's) and the ache I felt for my own mother losing hers was just indescribeable. I still have that deep ache for her. Perhaps it's because I'm so far away from her that I was not there to console her and grieve with her, perhaps I fear for the day when I will one day lose her.

    I'm praying for you.

  2. Yes Jana, all those things are a part of dementia.. and it will get worse unfortunately. I can tell my mother numerous times in a day that we are going to my sister's for a family dinner.. and right up until we pull into my sister's driveway and my sister walks out of the house to help bring her in.. my mom is still asking.. where are we going? Oh yeah right to (sister's name). Then, who lives here? etc etc.

    My heart goes out to you Jana. It is sooo difficult to watch her deteriorate and lose her abilities to manage on her own.. to be the parent and grandparent she once was.

    May Allah ease you heart and mind and give you patience and bless you with many moments of the mother she used to be.

    Big hugs.

  3. I really feel for you...

    My grannie is my favourite person in the whole world and I wish I could spend more time with her.

    Rather get your mother to come stay with you, if you can.

  4. Yes, Jana. I have seen those people and my heart aches for them. My heart aches for you because unforunately I feel your sorrow of this, my Grandmother is slowly getting worse with Alzheimers and my family is torn at talking to her and getting her on some medication. I am so sorry that you and your family is going through this. I will keep your family in my heart and prayers.