surrounded by ignorance

i am the only muslim working on my nursing unit. im ok with that!! but i found myself in a different situation about a week ago. i was eating lunch with my co workers and they started a campaign against muslims. it really started out as the same old tired rhetoric about barrack obama being a "closet" muslim. i added that obama couldnt be a muslim and attend church for TWENTY YEARS!!! the reply to that? well he knew he wanted to be president one day. TWENTY YEARS AGO??? wow thats some planning in advance.

anyway, i let them talk and enjoy their silly conversation until a young fellow starting spouting off about muslims in general and how they want to take over and and and and.........we've heard that story before.

i felt my face start to burn and im so sure it was super red. i calmly told him that i am a muslim and the things that he was saying were not true at all. he said that we want to put our faith before state. and i said anyone should put their faith before anything! God first.

he said well yeah thats true but muslims want to impose shariaa and violence and blah blah, terrorism, jihad, etc etc blah blah........i said youve been working with me for some time now.....do you think i am a terrorist? do you think i sit at home at night and plan on taking all of you out? i told him that dr's saleem and ahmed were at the desk right before i left the floor. go and ask them if they are plotting terrorism against the non muslim patients that they are taking care of now and trying to keep alive.

more ignorance.............one of the nurses said, but dr saleem is from pakistan! did i laugh in their face? i wanted to but i said pakistan IS a muslim country and dr saleem IS muslim.

where exactly does one have to be from to be a muslim i wondered.

the conversation went on and on and on. i found myself surrounded by a group of ppl who felt that it was ok to discuss islam like they were talking about something disgusting and stinking. i can remember times when someone, perhaps, wanted to discuss....lets say... 7th day adventists, well they wouldnt dare say anything bad about it if there were an adventist in their presence. but muslims? wow, we are definately the shaitans on earth according to many.

i ended my part with we worship the same and only God. and when you speak against "my" God..you are also condemning your own God.

later in the day, a couple of nurses offered an apology of sorts. one in particular wanted to make sure that i wasnt offended. i was and i wasnt though.

this conversation, if you can call it that, has stuck in my mind over the days though. i dont really want to get stuck in the middle of a lot of yelling ppl like that again. but alhamdulillah i didnt wither and keep my mouth shut, afraid to let anyone know that im a muslim. but its hard to make yourself heard when youre the only speaking for and the other 10 are ranting against.

satan likes pork?

i havent had a bite of pork, well intentionally, in a long long time. even before i reverted to islam. i say intentionally because sometimes weve started to eat to discover that pork bits or flavoring or something had been added. or things like eating marshmallows with gelatin. that type of thing.

anyway, i never ate much pork anyway throughout my life. but my major downfall was bacon. i didnt do hams, pork chops and all that stuff but bacon? i could eat it at every meal!

but i put it behind me for the sake of God.


until thursday.........for the first time in a long long time, i actually looked at the bacon and CRAVED it!! i was at work and went through the breakfast line. i looked at the bacon and it looked so desirable!! i thought oh what the heck get some.............but i didnt. i fought the urge and was actually shocked at my thought!! then at lunch time, there were some veggies flavored with ham. again!! i thought wow that looks good just get some. but again i did not get it.

boy that satan must reallllyyyyy like pork to be pushing me to eat it too!!! it wasnt even me just desiring it, i actually didnt feel like i cared...that it was ok to have some.

well i left the pork for shaitan that day. audhu billahi minash shaitan nirajeem. hope he enjoyed it. greasy mouth and all.

isolated as a muslimah

well. i have to say that there are times i feel like i am floundering alone as a muslim sister. there is a good amount of sisters in my area although small compared to other areas in the usa. but most of them are foreigners. and that is not a problem to me but as hard as i have tried i just cant seem to find a real friendship. the sisters at the masjid have a tendancy to flock together in accordance to their home country. they speak their languages to each other. they will speak to me from time to time and they will sit with me but eventually they will find a sister from their home country to sit with. they all know each others children and really look to each other as a sister in islam. sometimes, we will have nights to bring food and the sisters will all bring dishes but noone thought to tell me about the potluck dinner. i think i am the only revert there. the rest of the sisters are born muslims.

i am a friendly outgoing person and i have never had any problems making friends my entire life. i have always been a welcoming person. if i see someone new i will go out of my way to make them feel comfortable and i mean anywhere....neighbor, work, even the masjid when i see a sister looking lost.

i have joined a few websites for muslim women and i try to join in but i swear i rarely get any response. i try to fit and its not that i DONT fit, its just that noone makes an effort to pull me into their conversation even when i post. i have a forum myself. women only. and we have had members over the years join but leave eventually and i finally realized that they too werent "pulled into the conversation". when members have gotten to know each other and give each other salams and cyber hugs the newest member feels so left out no matter how hard she tries. so i encouraged my members to always welcome the new ppl!!

i guess its the same at the masjid. perhaps the ladies dont realize that while they are all hugging and kissing and playing with each others kids, there is some lost soul like me wishing i was part of that group.

am i whining? i hope not, inshallah. i do feel left out. i wish more than anything that i had good muslim friends around me. but for now i have my non muslim friends. they love me dearly and think im cool lol.

so why is it that i dont fit in with the muslimahs? i do belong to one site where i fit it. i dont know whats different about that one. its coed. but i love the muslimah sites so much and wish i had the rapport in those as i do in other areas!! i wonder if its me at time. perhaps i give off a bad vibe i dont know.