my house is way too silent.

yesterday, while i was at work, my oldest son left home to find a new life in another state. i knew that he had been planning on leaving for some time but he told me on tuesday that he would be leaving yesterday. just two days notice. my other children have an apartment together. so now its my 6 year old and me.

this time last year there were 6 people living in this home. 4 children and the parents. seems we've been down sized. im sure youre thinking that the 6 year old keeps it lively and she does to an extent but she is bored without anyone else there now.

i can hear the echoes coming from the hallway of yesteryear and im truly sad. i know this is the empty nest syndrome but its hard. it was really really hard to come home to a quiet house. only sign of life was my lonely kitty. and my dearest Elji made it easier by being with me on the phone to make it easier for me when i walked into that empty house. he thinks of everything i swear.

my son's bedroom door is always closed in the mornings when i wake up, so it wasnt easy to wake up this morning and see the door open, moon shining through his window into an empty room......sigh.

my regret? that i didnt even hug him goodbye yesterday morning before i went to work because i had plotted to keep him one more day because i have the day off today. i was sure i could convince him to wait but when i asked him he said he was going on. he was eager to start anew and i dont blame him at all. i wish him the best of luck.

but he is my oldest and i dont know when ill see him again.

at least we all played in the snow together. all of us...before he left.

isolated as a muslimah

well. i have to say that there are times i feel like i am floundering alone as a muslim sister. there is a good amount of sisters in my area although small compared to other areas in the usa. but most of them are foreigners. and that is not a problem to me but as hard as i have tried i just cant seem to find a real friendship. the sisters at the masjid have a tendancy to flock together in accordance to their home country. they speak their languages to each other. they will speak to me from time to time and they will sit with me but eventually they will find a sister from their home country to sit with. they all know each others children and really look to each other as a sister in islam. sometimes, we will have nights to bring food and the sisters will all bring dishes but noone thought to tell me about the potluck dinner. i think i am the only revert there. the rest of the sisters are born muslims.

i am a friendly outgoing person and i have never had any problems making friends my entire life. i have always been a welcoming person. if i see someone new i will go out of my way to make them feel comfortable and i mean anywhere....neighbor, work, even the masjid when i see a sister looking lost.

i have joined a few websites for muslim women and i try to join in but i swear i rarely get any response. i try to fit and its not that i DONT fit, its just that noone makes an effort to pull me into their conversation even when i post. i have a forum myself. women only. and we have had members over the years join but leave eventually and i finally realized that they too werent "pulled into the conversation". when members have gotten to know each other and give each other salams and cyber hugs the newest member feels so left out no matter how hard she tries. so i encouraged my members to always welcome the new ppl!!

i guess its the same at the masjid. perhaps the ladies dont realize that while they are all hugging and kissing and playing with each others kids, there is some lost soul like me wishing i was part of that group.

am i whining? i hope not, inshallah. i do feel left out. i wish more than anything that i had good muslim friends around me. but for now i have my non muslim friends. they love me dearly and think im cool lol.

so why is it that i dont fit in with the muslimahs? i do belong to one site where i fit it. i dont know whats different about that one. its coed. but i love the muslimah sites so much and wish i had the rapport in those as i do in other areas!! i wonder if its me at time. perhaps i give off a bad vibe i dont know.