on to more important things..the new ipad!

have you guys been looking at this lovely piece of technology? anyone thinking of getting one?

to my fans from west midlands uk

ahhh, seems i have curious visitors from the lovely cities of walsall and bradford. theyve visited my blog here, my solo muslimah blog and even tried to visit my facebook page.

seems i have people wanting to know more about me!!

exciting isnt it, to have new readers.

the thing is, dear readers, they are not new!

on the contrary, they visited my blog last year too right before i was barraged with threats and hatred.

did i mention i have feedjit? a nice little traffic reporter so that i can see who visits,what date and how much time they spent here? even how they googled my site! and where they visited next?

the amazing thing is, ive nothing to hide. im quite a boring person to be honest. no drinking, no sex, no drugs, no partying. just a homebody who enjoys coffee! but you know, those very same readers could actually call me and ask me questions if they liked since i happen to be a human being just like them. least i was last time i checked.

but you see readers, the information gathered here will be used against me. it will be twisted and misconstrued as it was in the past. i will be accused of things that might shock many of the people who ACTUALLY know me.

read on.

just remember these things.

curiosity killed the cat

and

Allah Almighty says,(O ye who believe! If an evil person brings you tidings, verify it, lest ye smite some folk in ignorance and afterward repent of what ye did)(Al-Hujurat 49: 6).

the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon on him) said,'The most evil among Allah's servants are those who go about spreading gossip dividing those who love each other and desiring to defame those who are innocent.'(Reported by Ahmad)

division of secular life vs spiritual life

...ive gathered, now, that dividing secular life and spiritual life is rather hard to do.

i used to write most of my musings here but i seem to write more in the other place...when i do write.

there is not a whole lot going on in life in general these days and as ive thought more about it, its really my own fault.

i have a full time job in my home town which is much better for me than the traveling i was doing and being cancelled from my shifts, many times not even finding this out until i had driven an hour and entered the nurses station!!

the job is not the best but it pays the bills and i try to keep this in mind! alhamdulillah

i dont hear that much from my 7 year old's father...was daily. asking forgiveness and can he return. i mulled that idea over many times but knowing his history and qur'anic ruling regarding divorce, i nixed it.

i told him that i will remarry one day and he always became incensed, demanding i dont dare mention remarriage.....erm dude, we are divorced and you packed and left remember.

thats been nearly 2 years ago, by the way, that he packed and left.

i think that is one of the main reasons there is not much going on in my life..i buried all of that and was determined to get on with life.

i did bury it...get on with life? kinda.

i think it haunted me and it has started to nag at me as of late. wondering what all of the effort was for. trips back and forth to egypt. time of my life. immigration. homeland security. how many thousands of dollars for airfare. one child and a miscarriage later, i find myself alone.

was there wife number 2? yes? no? am not sure, but i feel certain i was a vicitim of hidden polygyny. Allahu alim.

and i think this thought is what has started to awaken me at nights....the oh so subtle signs that i should have paid more attention to. oh well, being a good old american southern girl who grew up in one husband/one wife families....i didnt know to look for those signs. how ignorant i was going into this marriage.

i know much better now.

my children are basically grown and the eldest has moved to another state but the others are at home.

my second oldest son has just entered local college in a dental hygiene program and wishes to be a dentist eventually, God willing!

3rd son cant quite decide though his main goal is the NBA. God willing on that too.

my oldest daughter has started taking necessary steps to become an XR tech!! God willing.

and then there's me and my 7 year old. she is an excellent student at school and a struggling student at the mosque 3 days a week. i admire her tenacity though. she pulls out my biggest Qur'an each night in bed that has transliteration and practives each surah she is learning at school... she tries so hard.

and me? struggling to stay afloat with these kids. hope to remarry and live semi happily ever after one day!

season's greetings!!

hope all of you out there have wonderful holidays no matter what youre celebrating!

can i tear up some paper or kick the door?

that is frustration at its finest!! you know, my job suffered over the past months due to the recession (yes nurses suffered too) so i took a new job in my town so that i wouldnt have to travel anymore and it was steady work.

ive been there nearly 3 months now and i feel like screaming for the hills. the job itself is not different than most that ive had. nursing work is nursing work. but the people i work with make me want to just get a check at the beginning of the month.

i should just say thank you God for giving me this job but the drama at work just isnt conducive to a peaceful work life.

the hours are so fantastic. monday through friday. 7-3 shift. weekends off. but the weekends grow shorter and shorter due to the dread i feel when i see monday approaching.

trying to think what to do to be honest. do i keept the wonderful hours but dreadful working conditions or go back to more unsteady work but peace of mind?

what does one do when they see a blank canvas?

life changes. we take all the turns and they lead to good and bad places. i dont know if any of you have a restless mind like i have. a restless heart. i dont know if im ever satisfied or if i can ever be in the future.

i live the day to day. work, home, family..just like a normal person. but my mind never rests. ive never stopped longing for the extra things. no not material things. things that satisfy my soul.

i find them temporarily and then i get restless again.

i love God. i fear God. i want to do the right thing. but i grow tired. sometimes i just want to stop striving and just sit down and do nothing but i know thats not an option.

many people so they wouldnt change their life for anything because then they wouldnt be the person they are today. brave answer with many kudos to you but thats not always the smartest answer is it?

i would change quite a few things because some of those things that i wish i could change...well they made me a sour person in some aspects. a more impatient person. a needier person.

i WOULD change those parts of my life that just didnt have to be.

im getting old. i dont know where my life will go. thats the blank canvas. yes im jana. yes im a nurse. yes im a mother...yes im a...a what? what else is there to me? a blank person living by rote.

i miss my mom so much. yes shes still alive but i miss her home. and her fried cornbread. and even her disgusting buttermilk which i wouldnt touch for a million dollars.

this post is pointless i suppose. i havent posted in a long time. there has to be something better in this life.

a new place!

good morning people of the world!

ive started a tiny private area for bloggers.

for more information youll have to head over to my other blog

http://solomuslimah.blogspot.com/

to get the info!!!

thanks and have a wonderful day....or at least try.

warm welcome to september

many of you have known me for a few years and know well that i love the autumn months!! best season of the year. no its not officially autumn yet, but it is september and its good enough for me. it has actually been cool in the mornings for the past few days, enough to have to put a light jacket on my youngest daughter as i ship her off to school.!!

soon ill bring my autumn colored decorations out and make my home just festive!!! you would be surprised to know how those colors and familiar things make me exceedingly happy.

ahhh welcome september!! what memories you bring to me.

.....God willing, happy new memories will form to be remembered later!!